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Greetings!
Listening deeply to one another can be challenging in a
world filled with noise. Ken Johnson says, “The contrast
between hearing and really listening can be as different as
night and day. And in a business environment, not listening
effectively to customers, employees, and peers can mean the
difference between success and failure.” Join me in
exploring this vital aspect of human connection.
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Listening with Heart |
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“Can you hear me now?” “Listen, do you
want to know a secret.” “Listen to me.”
“Sssh, listen up.” “Sit down and listen.” “You never
listen to me.” “I know what you are going to say.”
“Thank you for listening to me.” We
are all familiar with these phrases. We hear these
words spoken to us and we use them in our
communication with others everyday. We use them to
get the attention of our family and friends. We use
them to validate our own experience. Listening with
heart is more than not speaking and it doesn’t mean
that we agree with the other person.
Listening is such a natural part
of life we often forget the importance of listening
deeply to others and to our own inner voice. There
can be so much noise around us that we have a hard
time hearing. And yet, Ralph Nichols says, “The most
basic of all human needs is the need to understand
and be understood. The best way to understand people
is to listen to them.” Listening deeply may not come
naturally and may require development of skills.
Listening is one of the most
important aspects of communication in our
relationship with ourselves, our family, and in the
work environment. Listening requires time,
intentionality, and silence. According to Jennifer
Loudon, to listen to one’s inner voice we must stop
moving, stop doing, sit still, listen to, and trust
ourselves. Perhaps this same concept can be applied
as we consider the way that we listen to others.
Listening to others requires spending time and
slowing down.
Listening deeply to other people
validates their life experiences and says that the
relationship is important. Active, deep listening
honors the other person. It improves communication
and clears-up misunderstandings. MIT Lecturer and
business man Peter Senge says, “To listen fully
means to pay close attention to what is being said
beneath the words.... Ears operate at the speed of
sound, which is far slower than the speed of light
the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of
developing deeper silences in yourself so you can
slow your mind’s hearing to your natural speed, and
hear beneath the words to the meaning.”
Listening with heart is a
skill. In their book Radical Collaboration: Five
Essential Skills to Overcome Defensiveness and Build
Successful Relationships, James Tamm and Ronald
Luyet offer twelve keys to skill of effective
listening:
 | Hear what the speaker has to say before
preparing your response.
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| Continually summarize and feed back for
understanding.
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| Pay attention to the person as well as the
words.
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| Ask questions judiciously.
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| Don’t multitask or pretend to listen.
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| Avoid “mind reading.”
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| Beware of prematurely judging the speaker’s
message through tone of voice or body language
that implies “You are wrong.”
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| Avoid topping or doing the speaker one
better.
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| Be comfortable with silence.
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| Acknowledge uncomfortable and difficult
emotions.
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| Give advise prudently.
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| Acknowledge when a conversation is going off
track. |
Take a moment and consider how
you listen to yourself and to others. Consider these
questions:
| Who are the people in your life that listen
deeply to you?
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| Who are the people that “pay close attention
to what is beneath your words?”
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| Is it your spouse, your child, a family
member, your best friend, your boss, or your
co-workers?
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| Who are the people that you listen to? |
Join me in my challenge to
actively and deeply listen. . . WITH HEART!
See
The International Listen Association for more
information on the subject of listening.
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Quote of the Month |
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“Listening is noting what, when, and how
something is being said. Listening is distinguishing
what is not being said from what is silence.
Listening is not acting like you’re in a hurry, even
if you are. Listening is eye contact, a hand placed
gently upon an arm. Sometimes, listening is taking
careful notes in the person’s own words. Listening
involves suspension of judgment. It is neither
analyzing nor racking your brain for labels,
diagnoses, or remedies before the person is done
relating her symptoms. Listening. . . creates a safe
space where whatever needs to happen or be said can
come.”
Allison Para Bastien
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