Fall is a time that our lives are inundated with opportunities of fun things to do – football games, school carnivals, fall festivals, PTO meetings, Halloween parties, etc. Striving to juggle everything may mean that we loose sight of the importance of our marriage relationship. Perhaps we believe the myth, “They got married and lived happily ever after.” Marriage relationships are not static; they are dynamic and need care and attention. Diane Sollee, founder of Smart Marriages says, “Marriage is the foundation of the family and the family is the foundation of society: if we strengthen marriage, we strengthen the family, we strengthen the children and we strengthen the community.”

Making time for our relationship is as crucial to healthy marriage as breathing is to life. Presbyterian minister and author Charlie Shedd reminds us that a good marriage is the best gift we can give our children. Research confirms that children who grow up in homes with strong marriages learn well in school, make friends easily, have fewer illnesses, and have good role models for future marriage. During his speech to the National Governor’s Association, bioengineering expert John Medina was asked what parents can do to ensure their children get into the best colleges. Medina’s reply to the question,“Go home and love your spouse.” Medina’s cutting edge brain research suggests that children look to their parents and the relationship they have with each other to assess whether they are safe.

Marriage is also good for our own health. Renowned marriage researcher John Gottman reports that an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of becoming ill by 35% and take four years off your life! He believes “working on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club." Healthy marriage protects both men and women from stress related diseases such as high blood pressure, stroke and cancer.

David and Vera Mace, founders of the marriage enrichment movement, give us the key ingredients to a happy and successful marriage.

Mace says, “Each of these is vitally important and all three must go together. Possessing one without the other two or even two without the third is not enough. They supplement and support each other. The couple who want a happy marriage must achieve all three. The three essentials provide the basic equipment for resolving all other difficulties that might arise.”

If we think of our marriage relationship as a garden, we realize that it will take work and attention to flourish and be beautiful. How is your marriage growing? Do you need to pull weeds and trim out what’s dead? Perhaps you need to pay attention to all the beauty that is around you. I hope that this fall you will commit to being intentional about the growth in your marriage relationship. Daily connect with your spouse by setting aside specific times to be together, talking with one another on a deep level, dealing with conflict, and remembering to affirm and support one another.