R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means
to me. . . all I need is a little RESPECT. . . Oh a
little respect. . . sock-it to me, sock-it to me,
sock-it to me!
Whether you hear the late Rodney Dangerfield's
famous tag line "I can't get not respect," or Aretha
Franklin wailing out the pop hit song, respect is a
word that we use often in speaking about our
relationships with ourselves, our families, and our
co- workers.
Respect is a powerful word. It
is a word that gets tossed around and used
flippantly. Parents and family members tell me that
they want respect. In team building meetings, work
colleagues express that respect is one of the key
ingredients to a successful team. And yet, when I
ask what is meant by the word respect, I discover
people have difficulty in articulating an answer. We
all seem to have a basic understanding of the word;
however, the meaning varies depending on our
ethnicity, the cultural setting we were raised in,
our religious beliefs, and our values.
Webster's gives ten different
definitions of the word respect. Included in the
list are esteem, admiration, and proper acceptance
and courtesy. Take a moment and consider your
definition of respect. Ask yourself, "How do I know
that I am respected?" or "How do I show respect to
myself, my family, and others?"
Respect creates respect. Self-
respect comes from within and begins with respecting
ourselves. I believe that we must respect ourselves
in order to respect other people. Author Louise Hay
speaks eloquently about self-respect. Hay says,
"Loving and approving of yourself, creating a space
of safety, trusting and deserving and accepting will
create organization in your mind, create more loving
relationships in your life, attract a new joy and a
new and better place to live, and even normalize
your weight." Respect of our own gifts and abilities
leads to respect of others.
Often, we have the ability to
show great respect in our relationships with friends
and co-workers while showing respect in our family
is challenging. Parents make global statements about
children not showing respect. Behaviors like rolling
eyes, not doing what parents ask the first time, or
not cleaning-up their room spell dis-respect
to parents. Children retort that parents are overly
critical, completed tasks are never done well
enough, or parents expect something from their
children that they are not willing to do themselves.
I believe the best way for a child to learn respect
is to know they are respected by their parents and
other family members. Think for a moment about your
family, "How do you demonstrate respect to your
spouse or your children?" Showing respect requires
honoring ourselves, and accepting that each of us is
created with unique gifts and abilities.
Respect in the work place builds
strong employees and teams. In my work with
organizations, I find that great significance and
meaning is given to greeting and saying hello to
others. I often hear employee's complaining that co-
workers or bosses speak to others and not to them.
"He/she comes in and speaks to everyone except for
me." "She/he looked at me and walked right past me
without speaking." The simple act of saying hello is
translated into an assumption that one person is not
respected by another. This leads to
miscommunication, misperceptioins, and poor employee
relationships.
Respect starts with respecting
ourselves, moves into our families, out into the
workplace, and then the community at large. Perhaps
Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements,
offers some help as we think about respect. The
agreements are based on the teachings of ancient men
and women of knowledge from southern Mexico. Simply
stated, the agreements are as follows:
