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NEW! Audio Summary. If you prefer to listen to the
articles in the Discovering Growth Newsletter simply click
on the audio links next to the article titles.
Thanks for your continued referrals and support. Please let
me know if there is any way I can support you during this
season of growth and change.
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"Ah-Ha" Moments: The Juice of Life audio |
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You have experienced them.
Those times when you realize, "I get it," "oh,
that's it," "I finally understand." Ah-ha
moments are serendipitous and surprise us when we
least expect it. They may come after reading
something for the tenth time or when we hear an old
concept framed in a new way. Recently, an ah-ha
occurred for me while I was traveling with my
husband to lead a retreat. I was reading an article
about freeing ourselves from bad habits - for good.
Much of the information in the article I had read
before, talked about with my clients, and even
written about in my newsletter. After all, my job as
a therapist, is to believe beyond a shadow of a
doubt in the transforming power of change. I educate
people about the process of change and that it
doesn't happen over night. But there it was. . . the
statement that became the ah-ha for me. "Real
transformation is not linear; it is more like a
spiral. When you make a breakthrough. . . it is
often followed by a backlash" (Sally Kempton).
Change is fluid. There are relapses that are part of
integrating the change into your life. In that
instant a change I was working on in my own life had
new meaning! So what made that particular statement,
among all the others, the ah-ha moment?
George Lakoff, a professor of
cognitive science and linguistics at the University
of California, offers some insight into the science
of ah-ha moments. Lakoff says that our minds
rely on frames rather than facts to make change.
"Frames are the mental structures that define how we
see the world." We reject new facts that don't fit
into these structures and facts go in and right back
out. So to change behavior, you have to change
frames. Many aspects affect the changing of our
frames. I believe that one of these aspects is
ah-ha moments. They are the juice that reframe a
new way of thinking. May you have lots of ah-ha's
this month. Watch for them because they come at the
most unexpected and unpredicted times.
For more information on change
see the full article. (Deutschman, Alan. "Change:
Why Is It So Darn Hard to Change Our Ways." Fast
Company. May 2005. Kempton, Sally. "Change for
Good: Free Yourself from Bad Habits." Yoga
Journal. April 2005.)
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Summertime and livin' is easy - NOT!
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Summer is approaching with
breakneck speed, and I am sure that you are already
scrambling for ways to entertain and fill your
children's time. As parents, we dread hearing that
push-button phrase, "Mom, Dad, I am bored." These
three little words can send parents into an
unconscious fervor that has us believing that
boredom is a fatal illness. Involvement in team
sports, camp, music, art, tennis, or horseback
riding lessons certainly enhances our children's
ability to be successful. However, I want to call
your attention to one of the most valuable gifts
that we can give our children: the gift of our time.
One of my favorite questions to
ask the families I work with is, "What about your
family would you like to change?" Ninety-nine
percent of the time the answer from children is not
a trip to Six Flags, the purchase of the latest
technology gizmo, or a trip to the mall. Regardless
of age, children ask for time with their parents.
Reinforcing this idea, Gregory Ramey, a child
psychologist and vice-president for outpatient
services at Children's Medical Center in Dayton,
Ohio, states, "Many children experience loneliness.
Parents may be making this problem worse by
providing their youngsters with too many things
rather than focusing on interpersonal
relationships." I find that many families do an
excellent job with the business of "doing" family
and may fall short with connecting emotionally.
Mom and Dad, I want to encourage
you to PLAN to spend lots of time with your children
this summer. Take a look at what you have already
planned and change your schedule if needed. Here are
Gloria's top ten suggestions for a summer filled
with connecting with your children:
 | Number 10 - Have meals together and
let your children help with preparation and
planning.
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| Number 9 - Tell your favorite stories
from your childhood.
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| Number 8 - Limit computer use and
television for time to play a game, go on a bike
ride, have a picnic, or read to your child (even
school age children like for parents to read to
them.)
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| Number 7 - Listen-listen-listen to
your children, especially as they get older.
Interrupting with advice-giving may give our
children the message that they are not important
and what they are thinking is not valuable.
Instead watch for teachable moments.
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| Number 6 - Believe and remember that
children "try on" many ideas and beliefs.
Remembering "this too shall pass" helps when we
want to cringe and over-react.
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| Number 5 - Encourage your children to
tell stories about their experiences.
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| Number 4 - Share stories about things
that are going on in your life; share your
passions.
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| Number 3 - Acknowledge children for
what they are doing well.
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| Number 2 - Set limits and give
children responsibility: structure helps build a
feeling of safety.
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| And the Number 1 suggestion for
connecting - Tell your children you love
them! |
Summertime and the livin' is
easy. YOU BET!
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Quote of the Month: Gabriela Mistral |
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Many things can wait. Children cannot. Today
their bones are being formed, their blood is being
made, their senses are being developed. To them we
cannot say "tomorrow." Their name is today.
- Gabriela Mistral"
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