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Happy New Year! My hope is that 2005 will
be a year of joy and contentment and that whatever you
endeavor will bring you peace and gratitude. Holiday
memories are still fresh and filled with reminders of visits
with family and friends. Join me in considering ways to be
intentional in creating strong family relationships.
Please pass this newsletter along to friends, family, or
co-workers.
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Family: The Tie that Binds |
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We are well into the new year
and memories of family visits during the holidays
are rapidly fading. Nevertheless I want to focus my
thoughts this month on relating with family. Holiday
visits with extended family seem to bring out the
best and, at the same time, the worst in all of us.
It is easy to get caught in wanting the
picture-perfect celebration. Increased stress leads
to overwork and may eventually sabotage the very
thing we were trying to achieve. Being with family
can be messy. Emotions, past and present, can be
stirred up. Children, out of their routine, are
often over-stimulated and irritable. Adults are
tired and frazzled, leaving us vulnerable and
wondering "Are we having fun yet?" Still, there is a
unique bond that connects us as family.
I was struck by the strong
sense of family as my husband and I watched the
movie King Arthur. The story takes place 1000 years
before the well-known Camelot version of the Arthur
legend. The opening scene depicts a young boy being
pulled reluctantly from his family because Roman law
required all young males to give fifteen years of
service in the army. After service the men's freedom
was awarded along with a chance to return home.
Unlike today, these men had no means of
communicating with family. Even so, their commitment
and strong sense of family loyalty was impressive.
What bonded these men to their families? There was
no way to reach out and touch, after fifteen
years, their families were strangers. Yet,
throughout the movie we see men longing to return
home.
What binds you together with
your family? Is it family rituals, family
celebrations, talking regularly when separated by
distance, riding in the car to the soccer game, or
just laughing together at mealtime? We live in a
time of instant communication and often we let
misperception, misunderstanding, and conflict keep
us from connecting deeply. My challenge for you this
month is to join me in "being family." Your
definition of family is not of concern. It doesn't
matter whether you define family as someone related
by blood, marriage, or a just a close group of
friends. I encourage you to be intentional about
your family ties. Take time to be with one
another--listening with your heart, honoring each
persons gifts and strengths, and being willing to
get messy if necessary.
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Helping Children Deal with Trauma and Tragedy |
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The death toll continues to rise
from the horrific Tsunami that hit the East on
December 26, 2004. Helping children deal with such a
tragedy is difficult because as adults we struggle
to make sense of it ourselves. Let me offer a few
suggestions about helping children deal with what
they have seen and heard:
 | Talk to your children and
give honest and concise answers to their
questions.
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| Remember that you are the
interpreter of their world and ignoring
situations only leads to misinformation and
assumptions.
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| Ask them to draw pictures
and to talk about their feelings. Let them know
how you feel.
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| Notice changes in behavior
such as increased irritability, clinginess,
regression of behavior, and/or aggression.
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| Listen-Listen-Listen |
More information on this topic
is available at
http://www.redcross.org/services/disaster/keepsafe/
childtrauma.html
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Quote of the month: |
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"An Intentional Family is one whose members
create a working plan for maintaining and building
family ties, and then implement the plan as best
they can. An Intentional Family rows and steers its
boat rather than being moved only by the winds and
the current.".
William Doherty
The Intentional Family: How to Build Family Ties
in Our Modern World
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